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[18 Mar 2005|10:51pm] |
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mood |
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 and shitty |
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fuerer frei-ramstien |
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hey...
so since I definitly havn't been updating and I definitly don't plan on it, i decided that i am once again going to delete it...so yeah..
i think i'll delete myself too.
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| maybe a better year....? |
[03 Jan 2005|02:00pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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music |
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new american classic- taking back sunday |
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So 2005 is here and that means that now I can officially say that everything monumental will be the second to last time I do it in high school. Like this was my second to last christmas break, and it was my second to last new years eve, and it will be my second to last mid winter break and spring break and such. You get the picture, I'm so excited to graduate I'm just upset that I have another whole year before I do. I hate this stupid high school thing so much it's driving me crazy.
happy 2005
I'm so hoping for a way better year. Last year sucked so bad I can't even take it. I think maybe I'll recap really quick.
It started last year, they always say how you spend your new years is how you'll spend the rest of your year. Well i wish the rest of my year was that awesome. I realized that I had a sucky best friend, who has a sucky boyfriend, who both like to tell sucky lies about me. Ryan got into a car accident that almost killed him, stayed in a coma for 2 weeks, and scared me so bad, which is when i realized that I was alone and my firends thought that I was making up this guy because they had never met him. Even though the reason that none of them ever met him was because I knew that they wouldn't get along, because there was always drugs and alcohol involved and my friends aren't into that except for one person that I can think of right now. Then Ryan moved away to California, and I met jake. Jake and me started dating, Ryan died July 4th weekend and so did Michael Carter while I was away. Jake was the one who told me that Ryan died, and 3 weeks later I found out that Jake was cheating on me, even though later I forgave him becaue I couldn't stand to not be with him, even though now I realize that I only held on to Jake because he was my last link to Ryan. Jake got into a car accident and stayed in the hospital where he died. After that I didn't know what to do, and honestly I didn't have anyone there to help me through it, so if you want to be litteral about it I'm still grieving from both of them since I never got over either of them. I started taking pills again, and I'm sure one day they'll catch up with me since I havn't stopped yet. I'm not honest with my friends they have no idea what goes on in my head, what I'm thinking when I'm really smiling and laughing, what's actually going through my head. No one knows, and no one will know, it's always better if everyone just pretends everything is okay, while we're all dying. Then there was this new years eve. I drank, somewhat responsibly, started falling for a guy that lives 2hours away, and still waiting to get my heart broke again, since it's been like 3 months since i've had it broke it's about time to start again.
So seeing how things can't get much worse than last year (although I know they can, it would be pretty hard) hopefully the only way is to go is up, unless i fall into the Grand Canyon.
SO happy new year to everyone else, may your resolutions follow through, and hopefully you'll never get a year as bad as mine.
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[21 Dec 2004|02:10pm] |
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mood |
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 BREAK HERE I COME WOOOOOO |
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music |
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this is the new shit- marilyn manson |
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it's easier to run
replacing this pain with something numb
it's so much easier to go
than face all this pain here all alone
something has been taken
from deep inside of me
a secret i've kept locked away
no one can ever see
wounds so deep they never show
they never go away
like moving pictures in my head
for years and years they've played
if i could change i would
take back the pain i would
retrace every wrong move that i've made i would
if i could
stand up and take the blame i would
if i could take all the shame to the grave
i would
if i could change i would
take back the pain i would
retrace every wrong move that i've made i would
if i could
stand up and take the blame i would
if i could take all the shame to the grave
i would
it's easier to run
replacing this pain with something numb
it's so much easier to go
than face all this pain here all alone
sometimes i remember
the darkness of my past
bringing back these memories
i wish i didn't have
somethimes i think of letting go
and never looking back
and never moving forward so
there would never be a past
if i could change i would
take back the pain i would
retrace every wrong move that i've made i would
if i could
stand up and take the blame i would
if i could take all the shame to the grave
i would
if i could change i would
take back the pain i would
retrace every wrong move that i've made i would
if i could
stand up and take the blame i would
if i could take all the shame to the grave
i would
just washing it aside
all of the helplessness inside
pretending i don't feel misplaced
is so much simpler than change
it's easier to run
replacing this pain with something numb
it's so much easier to go
than face all this pain here all alone
it's easier to run
if i could change i would
take back the pain i would
retrace every wrong move that i've made
it's easier to run
if i could change i would
take back the pain i would
retrace every wrong move that i've made i would
if i could
stand up and take the blame i would
if i could take all the shame to the grave
i would.
yeah so this is about it, that's pretty much how it is, how it always has been, probably how it always will be, but break is going to be at my hands in 14 minutes. I'm so happy that I finallly get out of this hell hole for what 2 hole weeks?!?! i'm so excited.
so yeah now that I'm ready to throw everything away once again, I don't know where to start or where to throw, so much has changed since the last time that I posted in here, It's really weird to go back and see how much I have changed since I first started posting. I realized one thing that never seemed to change, the lack of happiness in my life has always been a constant and I want that to change. I take back so many things I've ever said but not so much, I take back everything bad I ever said about Ryan and Jake, and I wish I never would have said anything bad about them. But the things that I did say were not mean to live within them forever, they were not meant to die, those things that were said were meant for the living. So I take back everything I have ever said to hurt anyone--but of course there is the exception. And the exception knows who they are. The two people that I will never ever even on my deathbed apoligize to, because they don't deserve an apology, they are the ones that started my spiral towards hell, the two that drove me to be who i am today, so in a way i thank them for getting out of my life. I really appreciate that part. I hope they know now that I will never forgive what they did, but I do thank them for getting out of my life. THANKS. But to everyone else, I am very sincerly sorry for anything and everything that I have ever said to hurt any of you. Although i may not remember all of it, even if it was the littlest thing that still lingures withing you, I'm very sorry.
Merry Christmas (and to kayla happy chanuakah) and don't do anything I wouldn't do twice.
<3
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| yeah...so i was jk |
[20 Dec 2004|02:11pm] |
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mood |
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stupid freshmen |
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music |
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vermillion pt.2- slipknot is stuck in my head. |
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I decided that I wanted my journal back, I missed it. lol
so yeah, i'm in 7th hour right now i'm not going to spill my guts right here
my internet is broken for the moment, so i'll find a way to fix it, but until i do i can only use the computer in my seventh hour so i won't be updating over break at all unless i'm at kaylas or somewhere else that i can use a computer.
that's about all i have to say right now.
ttyl.
signed,
coming back.
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[25 Oct 2004|02:19pm] |
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mood |
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the last time. |
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music |
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existensialism on prom night-straylight run |
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everything is being deleted.
(deleted)
all my love to those who deserve it.
sincerely
satan.
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[08 Oct 2004|11:22am] |
LMAO...i love ya aj! but not that much...lmao!
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| target here i come. |
[29 Sep 2004|04:41pm] |
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mood |
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 i feel stupid. haha |
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music |
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were all to blame-sum 41 |
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i stole this from sheena who stole this from jenni, who stole it from... other ppl
(x) means yes and (_) means no
(x) been drunk
(x) done illegal drugs
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(_) kissed a member of the same sex
(_) crashed a friends car
(_) been to japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been in love
(x) shop lifted
(x) dumped some one
(_) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight
(x) snuck out of your house
(_) ever had a crush on some one of the same sex
(_) ever dated some one of the same sex
(x) ever have feelings for some one who didnt have them back
(_) been arrested
(x) stole something from work, school
(_) celebrated new years in time square
(_) gone on a blind date
(_) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
(_) celebrated mardi gras in new orleans
(_) been to europe
(x) skipped school
(_) slept with a co worker
(_) cut my self on purpose
(_) been married
(_) gotten a divorce
(_) had children
(x) seen some one die
(_) been to africa
(_) had a crush on one of your journal friends
(x) punched a friend
(x) drivin over 400 miles to see a show or a performance
(x) been to canada
(x) been to mexico
(x) been on a plane
(_) seen the rocky horror picture show
(_) thrown up at a bar
(_) purposly set part of yourself on fire
(x) purposly set part of some one else on fire
(x) eaten sushi
(x) been snow boarding
(_) met someone you met on the internet in person
(x) been moshing at a concert/Gig
(_) had real feelings for some one you only knew online
(_) taken partially nude photos of yourself
(_) been in an abusive relationship
(_) been pregnant or got some one else pregnant
(_) lost a child
(_) gone to college
(_) graduated college
(x) had sexual intercourse of any type
(_) tried killing yourself
(x) taken pain killers
(x) love some one or miss some one right now
well that was excting.
i'm going to target ttyl. god i love that store.
oh and a friendly reminder to courtney eric and annie, i'm sick of your bullshit that note you apparently found in "my" handwritting in erics locker. yeah wasn't me i wouldn't even waste my time not to mention that i do not love eric or courtney or annie and i don't even know where the hell erics locker is. so stfu and leave us alone. oh and there are other people out there who hate you 3 besides me and my friends. so get over yourselves and leave me alone.
thanks and have a great fucking day.
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| how could i have forgotten... |
[26 Sep 2004|09:11pm] |
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mood |
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whats wrong with me? |
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music |
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bones and joints-finger 11 |
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it's been a year today.
this would've been our one year anniversery.
so instead of sitting here crying my eyes out i would be with you.
god this sucks.
i don't mind spending everyday
out on your corner in the pouring rain
look for the girl with the broken smile
ask her if she wants to stay a while
and she will be loved
she will be loved
there will never be anyone else like you.
and i will always love you.
r.i.p. ryan williams. febuary 16th 1987-july 1st 2004
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[17 Sep 2004|02:10pm] |
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mood |
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distressed |
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music |
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7th hour |
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.The Application.
The Basics...
♥name- Katie
♥age//birthdate- 15/ Sep.23
♥location- Troy, MI
♥odd talent- i can touch my tongue to my nose!
Favorites...
♥color- pink or black.
♥ice cream favor- strawberry
♥baby names- Melissa, Amelia, Michael, Ryan
♥ramen noodle flavor- artificial chicken falvor!
♥animal- giraffes---don't ask why..lol
♥subject in school- production/speech
♥beauty product- black eyeliner
♥bands//singers- atreyu, as i lay dying, linkin park, brand new, marilyn manson (sometimes) black sabbath, blink 182...etc
♥song- bleeding mascara-atreyu
♥lyric- "it's easier to run replacing this pain with something numb, it's so much easier to go then stay here with this pain all alone." -easier to run--linkin park
Think about it... explain
♥college or no?--yes...i wanna do more than work at mcdonalds.
♥shakespeare overrated? no. anyone who ever talks about him only talks about the well known plays...find the deeper stuff!
♥politics? suck..you may have a voice and opinion but so do like 2 billion other people that will over ride most of what you may believe in, plus i can't vote yet.
♥pornography? gross..and easy way to get money if youre a ho, go get a REAL job.
♥gay marriage? go for it!! the country shouldn't have a say what you believe in go do what you want!!
♥drugs//drinking?--hella yeah, so what if some of it is illegal, if you're having fun and not hurting anyone else then go for it.
♥rap//r&b?--no it all sounds exactly the same.
♥bulimia//anorexia?-if you're into throwing up everything you eat or not eating at all then go ahead, but I don't think hurting yourself is the way to get something like that done.
♥suicide?-no. things can never be so bad to the point where you want to end your life, and you never know that things might get better..and you may end up a millionare, you'll just have to live out your life to find out.
random-ness...
♥coffee- yumm
♥halloween- FAVORITE HOLIDAY!
♥spam- gross.
♥city- Chicago or New York
♥rubberband- haha rubber
♥mtv- over-rated
♥rock- n roll
♥ Promote to at least 1 community and give a direct link please.
promo: http://www.livejournal.com/community/purple_cowws/
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| WAKE UP BITCHES! |
[14 Sep 2004|01:54pm] |
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mood |
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right oh. |
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music |
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mrs.murhpy & stupid frehsman retarded |
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um yeah i'm definitly in my assisstant hour
these kids are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad!!!!!!
anyways...
this is the first FULL week of school, it's tuesday and alreayd sucks major ass...god i hate school. Everything is so repetitive, it's like blah blah blah all day 5 days a week 7 hours a day, even at lunch you usualy have someone bitching at you for something your doing wrong. I just wanna be like...
FYI DUMBASSES RULES WERE MADE TO BE BROKEN!!!!!
god..i hate administration...they're retarded. I could probably do a better job at running this god damn district than they could..
they're like fucking kangaroos or something.
AHHHHHH MOTHERLAND!
'bout that time eh chap?
right oh.
i love british people.
lmao
okay i'm pretty much done ranting now.
oh and i'm going to shoot someone :-D
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| stupid shit. |
[12 Sep 2004|12:26pm] |
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mood |
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 hehe--sux 2 be him. |
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music |
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sum41--were all to blame |
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jake is in the hopsital as of last night.
i hope a nurse pulls his plug.
stupid shit.
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[10 Sep 2004|12:22pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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chevelle--send the pain below |
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the only person who ever cared or took the time to understand...
died two and a half months ago.
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[06 Sep 2004|09:09pm] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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wake up-three days grace |
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yeah so this weekend was interesting even before i left...
but i dont wanna talk about it right now so i'll update tomorrow
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[02 Sep 2004|09:56pm] |
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mood |
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 & kinda pissed |
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music |
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haunted-evanesence |
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this is the new one.
i needed a change, maybe a couple more to come later.
i don't really have anything to say.
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